Women, today, are under tremendous pressure all the time. From home management to office issues, from tending to kids to looking after parents, sharing quality time with her partner to counselling a friend over a phone; women always have a lot on their plates. She tries to get an A+ in almost every domain in her life and when they are unable to meet up to their expectations anger surfaces. What they don’t realize is that it is impossible to be perfect at every front and just giving it your best itself is good enough.
Pepsico CEO, Indra Nooyi simply states, “Women just can’t seem to have it all”. And it is true; to have it all is a herculean task – unachievable and almost cruel.
Women are often frowned upon when they express anger, while no one bats an eyelid if men do the same thing. So women often suppress their anger or mask it with something else. And the outcome is health issues. From hair fall, to skin problems, thyroid to gynaecological issues, infertility – the list just doesn’t end because she is not able to channelize her emotions.
Rather than delving into the science of anger, let’s just head straight to anger management for women:
- Feel it: Sit with your anger for a while, allow yourself to feel what is happening and let the impulsive need to act on it pass for a while. This will give you some moments to calm down.
- Inhale, exhale, release, relax: For this you need to be in sync with your body and understand the obvious signs of anger- tight jaw, clenched fist, knotted stomach, rapid breathing, flaring nostrils; and when you all of this is happening, just stop. Take a deep breath and then release it ever so slowly, continuing countless times till you feel your body is back to normal. Release any tension in your muscles and just relax your mind, no matter if the offending person, object or event is still the same.
- Acknowledge your anger: Pretending you are not angry will do no good. Admitting that you are upset n can validate your feelings making you more empowered and much in control.
- Time to act, but thoughtfully: Once you get over this feeling, share it out; speak the truth, not by directing the anger to someone but discussing why you are hurt. If you are not comfortable speaking for that moment, consider writing down everything you wish to get off your chest.
- Coping mechanisms: Anger stems out of impatience, and frustrations. Coping mechanisms like planning ahead, taking help of your friends, partner, or colleagues can help you get things done. For example, if you know you have to wait in long queue for several hours, plan ahead and get your magazines or your earphones to keep yourselves busy. While dealing with a kid’s homework, talk to the teacher beforehand, be prepared and have your partner involved too.
- For a longer term: Keep a check on your health, eat healthy, do yoga, and just stay back when you don’t want to. Remember, it’s the pressure we are unable to handle. So do anything and everything only if “you” really want to. You always have a choice, so make one and stick to it.
- Steer clear of blame game: Dear lady, nobody is out to get at you, and neither is the universe secretly conspiring against you. Not everything in this world is about you. Do not blame other people or events for how you feel and for a change consider someone else’s feelings too. Empathizing with the offender can actually calm you down and you will be able to help the other person.
- See the big picture: The last bus was missed, the coffee stain on your table cloth, the leaking tap, the creaking door, the pending bills and endless grievances; instead of looking at small problems, look at the things you have and you should be happy about and grateful for. Expressing gratitude every single day and silently all the time will make you a very positive person.
- The higher purpose: While dealing with anger, this may seem a little too much; but understand that you as a human, as a woman are here to help, love, and do service and good for others. When the feeling of love pervades through all your senses, love towards yourselves and everything and everyone around you, there is just no room for anger. Period!